Web Secret #364: delivered

I have a confession.

I have everything delivered.

OK, slight exaggeration. I have 95% of everything I buy delivered.

My groceries are delivered to my apartment door once a week by FreshDirect.

My prescriptions are delivered by my drugstore.

Instead of going out to restaurants, I have meals delivered from those restaurants via GrubHub.

When I want a taxi, I don't stand in the rain with my arm stuck out. I summon a car with Uber.

Just about everything else, I get from Amazon - delivered to me in two days. Forgot to order toilet paper from Fresh Direct? Get it from Amazon. Interested in trying out that weird facial cleanser from Korea? Amazon. Want to read the latest French bestseller? Download it from Amazon.fr.

Now there are imperatives that make much of this online/app ordering necessary. I live in a warehouse district that is slowly becoming residential and there is no infrastructure. I would need to drive to go to the grocery store, and the drugstore. There is a subway stop within walking distance of my building, but if and when I want to take a cab - there are none. The neighborhood is too remote for any traffic.

But even if I move to a more populated, easier access area, I doubt that I will ever go back to driving to my routine shopping. I can order my food in a few minutes because Fresh Direct knows what I like. I can find just about anything from anywhere in the world on Amazon. Why go out? Why deal with congested parking lots, disagreeable (or non existent) clerks, lack of inventory?

I am not alone.

In a thought provoking article "The Shut-In Economy," writer Lauren Smiley describes a new urban based "on-demand everything" world, populated by apartment dwellers who are "served" by an army of delivery staff. Services that were once only available to the 1%, are now easy to access as long as you have a smartphone. And all of these services give us free time to pursue other interests, or spend time with the kids. That's the good news.

The bad news? Smiley writes, "As income inequality increases, the shut-in model is tailor-made for the new polarized extremes. After all, either you’re behind the door, receiving your dinner in the tower. Or you’re like the food delivery guy... He’s the opposite of a shut-in. He’s stuck outside, hustling."

It's a brave new world...

Web Secret #363: managing media

The age at which children get a new smart phone and access social media is getting younger and younger.

We want to benefit from new technology but we are increasingly buried by it.

What to do?                

In his excellent New York Times article "How to Manage Media in Families," Bruce Feiler gives us some answers.

Bruce is skeptical of the dozens of online sample contracts for parents to execute with their children. He notes,  "I'm realistic enough to know that a three-page contract will be swiftly ignored and even it can’t keep up with the last parent-avoiding app. What I craved was a handful of overarching rules that could guide our interactions."

So, here is the abbreviated version of Bruce's rules:

1. I’m Still Your Parent
Parents should set guidelines in advance: make it clear that you own the device, you pay for it, and if there is any behavior that you feel is not true to your family values, you can take it away.

Part of this deal is that you will respect their boundaries, but you also have the right to join any social network they join, know their passwords and check their texts. Though it seems as if children know everything about social media, actually they’re still learning.

2. Step Away From Your Phone
Phones will be turned off and put away at certain times of the night. Research backs this up. A study from the University of Basel found that teenagers who kept their smartphones on at night were more likely to watch videos, text and have poor sleep habits and higher depression.
But, when parents say, ‘You can use the phone only from this hour to this hour,’ it’s hard to manage. So set rules like all phones go in a box when children go to bed, all devices go in the center of the table during mealtimes, including at restaurants, etc.

3. Read Every Text Twice
Explain that digital communication can easily be misconstrued. Before you send a message, go back and read it again. Everyone agrees on the need to prevent children from sexting, bullying or posting something inappropriate. But how to convey that? Think about your grandmother, think about the principal. Think about the most embarrassing adult in your life. Before you hit send, reflect on how that person would react. I would add: discuss when a phone call, an in person meeting, even an e-mail should be used rather than a text.

4. No Phones at Family Time
Everybody I spoke with had certain rules about family time. Specify. Just 10 minutes. No devices. That’s our time together. Have weekly technology-free activities.

5. The Rules Apply to Grown Ups Too
Parents, are often the most egregious technology abusers of all. They also need to follow rules.

One final caveat: "No technology agreement can be written in stone. It needs to be revised with every
new child, every new phase, every new device and every new app."

Amen to that.

Web Secret #362: appear.in

Are you tired of reading long blog posts?

I'm tired of writing them.

appear.in is a new website that allows you to conduct video conversations with up to 8 people for free.

No login required — no installs.

That's all I'm going to say about that.

Web Secret #361: disconnecting

There have been many articles about the importance of disconnecting in our wired world.

But there is room for one more, as demonstrated by a wonderful post "What Happened to Downtime? The Extinction of Deep Thinking & Sacred Space" by Scott Belsky.

Here is my condensed version:

Interruption-free space is sacred. Yet, in the digital era we live in, we are losing hold of the few sacred spaces that remain untouched by email, the internet, people, and other forms of distraction. We are depriving ourselves of every opportunity for disconnection. And our imaginations suffer the consequences.

Why do we give up our sacred space so easily? Because space is scary. During these temporary voids of distraction, our minds return to the uncertainty and fears that plague all of us. To escape this chasm of self-doubt and unanswered questions, you tune into all of the activity and data for reassurance.

Belsky argues that we have always sought a state of constant connection from the dawn of time, it’s just never been possible until now.

The need to be connected is, in fact, very basic in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the psychological theory that explains the largest and most fundamental human desires. Our need for a sense of belonging comes right after physical safety. We thrive on friendship, family, and the constant affirmation of our existence and relevance. Our self-esteem is largely a product of our interactions with others.

It is now possible to always feel loved and cared for, thanks to the efficiency of our “comment walls” on Facebook and seamless connection with everyone we’ve ever known.

So what’s the solution? How do we reclaim our sacred spaces?

Here are five potential mindsets and fixes for your consideration:

1. Rituals for unplugging.
The notion of a day every week reserved for reflection has become more important than ever before. Perhaps you will reserve one day on the weekend where you force yourself to disconnect? At first, such efforts will feel very uncomfortable. You will deal with a bout of “connection withdrawal,” but stay with it.

2. Daily doses of deep thinking.
When it comes to scheduling, we will need to allocate blocks of time for deep thinking.

3. Meditation to clear the mind.
There is no better mental escape from our tech-charged world than the act of meditation. If only for 15 minutes, the ability to steer your mind away from constant stimulation is downright liberating.

4. Self-awareness and psychological investment.
Our most basic fears and desires, both conscious and subconscious, are soothed by connectivity and a constant flow of information. It is supremely important that we recognize the power of our insecurities and, at the very least, acknowledge where our anxiety comes from.

5. Protect the state of no-intent.
When you’re driving or showering, you’re letting your mind wander because you don’t have to focus on anything in particular. If you do carve out some time for unobstructed thinking, be sure to free yourself from any specific intent.

And I have nothing to add to that.